SpankyPanda without the Spanky

Spankypanda without the Spanky.

05:19 caught up in watching 6 episode of Korean drama. *sigh* my fault for walking in on my momma watchin her favorite program on rerun. After one episode of 来自星星的你 I got hooked.

The protagonist in the story is an actress. She is gorgeous on the outside and strong (and) a little bit whack on the inside. Something about her made me fall in love on first sight.
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[16 episodes in 2 days]

During these 2 days, I've also been able sent out job applications, take passport photos, tan, DIY household stuff, make worksheets for students, read, practice  ukulele  and increase my octave a little bit more... Eat steak... (yum)

However it's not the stuff that I've been able to do that is worth the blog, but it's my passion for life. I've regained my love for life. :D :D

I feel so carefreee..

Oh yes, where was i.. Growing up in a society where relationships seem to be the biggest and most importantly thing in mt environment, I've always felt like it defined who I was. When I was15, I started join various competitions, cooking, dance, singing.. I even landed an MC gig and host gig for morning assemblys and campus TV. As I grew older, grades seemed more important, so I worked hard on that. However, no matter how much I did, I was always single..

So I decided that I should grow out of my ugly ducking shell and do something practical to "be proven dateable", so I put on makeup, put on skimpy clothes, joined extra curricular activities, socialize more..
*sigh* it just always felt like I needed an opposite sex in my life to get myself out of misery...

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So at the age of 23, I finally had a boyfriend. and how did it feel? Well.. It didn't feel bad, but it wasn't great. It felt comfortable. It felt like 2 very good friends being with each other.. But, i started changing.. I started seeing less of my girl friends, changed my habits, became socially awakad, didn't care about my appearance, started to feel hopeless of my future, singing ... , eventually the light in my eyes disappeared... I was embarrassed to take selfies, or to be in a photo.. And when I kept seeing myself with out graduation photos, I've had it, i had to do something about it...

Meanwhile, Spanky, well, after a year and a half, what does a guy do, well, he just becomes himself on a period . *cough cough * easily irritated, stingy, busy with work..

So I took a gamble and ended the relationship.

[epic water drop sound]

It wasn't an easy few months following the break up. I still loved Spanky despite lying to him that I didn't love him.

So I called him.

Everyday.

For a month.

Soon I watched as he grew out of the relationship and made more and more plans with his friends.

And me? No job, and all the friends I drove away?

One must not dwell on the past.

The month after was.. Well very lonely... The days were long and the nights were.. Well.. Quiet..

So staring at my empty Skype logs (actually, its not really empty, there's annoying tom, but that counts as empty, hehe) ,waiting for Spanky to come online, i switch my app to ChangBa.. (a karaoke app).. And my nights were very cheerful indeed..

Happy ending right?

Well sometimes. Cuz on other nights, there's just this churning inside of me.. I just really want to tell my day to Spanky, I really want to hear him voice..

And whenever i hit that call button, whether it gets through or not, it always leaves me at a situation worse than I was already in... Why? Because I can feel and hear a Spanky that is talking to me out of generosity, out of sympathy? Out of wanting to hook up when he is in town?... Oh well, its late at night and time has passed, so ill just get some sleep...

And then i forget my misery and repeat the pattern.. Another day.

06:10

Actually, I just witnessed a sun rise.. Damnit, I took an hour writing this shit?

Anyways, in order to get a good mornings sleep before my momma wakes up. I shall finish, or else i cannot sleep.

I invented this awesome matcha, drink, its so yummy, and has lots of caffeine but gives you terrible diarrhea. So that's why im still not hungry, i mean sleepy..

Actually, im really hungry, I want steak... With tomato and onion sauce... Arghhh..

I mean happy, but currently hungry. Im happy, I took a selfie and my eyes glittered, that's why I know I'm happy. Watching Korean drama makes me happy :D

For real its not just the Korean drama. I've also been reading this Buddhists book..

Oh, and another cockroach trap fail.. Arghh, im so annoyed.. I swear man these are mutated 113 ape virused cockroach... [angry face]

06:13

Black coffee

8:47 am

Beep beep beep.

SNOOZE

8:57 am

Beep beep beep.

Arghh. I hate Spanky. He should be the one here trying to meet 60% attendance criteria for our competition.

Oh and later, I have to go to the book fair with my dad. How will I have the time to summarize my worksheets for B, as well as practice song for my singing competition next week.

Although I loitered a lot yesterday. I did end up spending a lot of time making worksheets...

So these were the thoughts that buzzed around my head as I stumbled my way to the bathroom to groom.

9:17 am
What have I been doing for the last 20 minutes. I think there is still time for me sneak some noodles and eggs from my school canteen before 9:30....

9:24
I bump into a familiar friend, Larry, who I met in year 1 in Uni. He was waiting for his girlfriend, she was late as always, so accompanied me for breakfast. I placed my usual order. Ham and eggs with noodles, extra egg, black coffee.
"black coffee" he said with a smirk.
"uh, yea? "
" you still get black coffee? " he said with that same smirk he had years ago.

Tbc

Important meeting 2

3:45pm Footbridge. Oh crap, I forgot to bring my ipad, I've spent so much time transferring embarrassing Skype photos of Spanky to a private album earlier today, and I forgot to bring my list of questions, and I forgot to bring my pen...Well, EW0 dude is always late, plus he hasnt replied my email, maybe he's going ot get back at me at 5pm, so why don't I head back and pick up the stuff that I need. 

Just when I was about to head up the elavators, my phone rings. Alas, it is the EW0 dude. He calls and asks where I am, I lie and tell him I'm in the library. He says he's in the building across, and would like to meet me there.

I run.

I run as streamline as I can.

I try not to sweat.



Thanks to the typhoon, I was not as sweaty as I thought. However, just as I head up the elevator, EW0 dude calls again. I guess they were not as patient as I thought..

Remember, it's better to be a bit later, than to be messy and sweaty and nervous. I tell myself. You are a lady. Ahem, I am a lady. 

Ah, 11th floor of Li Ka Shing Building..interesting, isn't that where the Deans of the schools are situated? What a strange place to meet?



As I open the door I find myself shaking hands with 3 various heads in the campus management team. The CFO, the manager, and other head officer.

While, I was presenting my idea, (luckily in English), was the most detailed, un-HoneyMilkegg funnied, professional presentation that I ever given. I was so calm, despite running running 800 meters for the last 5 minutes.

I have never been so proud of my presentation.

Then the EW0 dude left for another meeting when he realized that things were going very smoothly. The 4 of us remained in my seats and fired a serious of questions, such as how heavy the bin is. with each question, I as able to provide a different diagram. Very well gone HoneyMilkEgg. The lady seemed to be the most aggressive of them all. She spoke very well English and she was able to generate her sets of ideas. She had 2 important questions though, and the general question amongst them all is HOW much can they actually save.

I need to leave for dinner now, basically we had a tour of "the entire operation of a cleaner from the collection point to the sub collection point, to the mobile trucks and the finally compression place. The lady has made her idea about what she thought about her project. I wished Spanky was here. He is much better at casual chatting and selling compared to me. I'm just a presenter... :(

My approach is quite passive, until I can come up with a solution to solve the customers problem, I won't try to hard sell anything. However, given that situation, maybe what I have done is correct? Could I have handled it differently if their final decision were unchanged? hmmm...

Important meeting 1

Two weeks ago, Spanky and I decided that he would be incharge of meeting the head EW0 dude. When we finally got a hold of him, he wanted to meet us... One day after Spanky leaves to NB. Okay great.

So the meeting turned to be a positive meeting. I was super nervous and got diarrhea many times before the meeting, as I have never met with head of any department for anything other than misbehaving back then in my youthful school days. (Actually I don't think I've ever left it)

Anyways, we set up to meet a campus management guy to take me around the campus to understand the trash logistics better.

3 weeks gone by and not a single reply. Within those 3 weeks Spanky has came to HK and has left. Oh well, maybe the EW0 dude was just being nice.

All of a sudden, yesterday I recently a weird "recalled email"  from the EW0 dude. I guess it should has set off warning bells, but nope, I didn't do no shit... So I did my business as usual, went out for vocal lessons, gym, and watched TV drama until 5am.

It didn't seem to matter to me if I needed to set an alarm in or not. My plans for the day was to ready Nietzsche, then go tutor some kid. Simple and stressful.

So I stumbled out of bed feeling terrible, I can feel the swell in my left eye. It was from some dirt that got in days ago, I've been ignoring it and its been growing bigger than ever since. (on top of that I like to tear up to sad Taiwanese drama scenes during my late night marathons) Ai...my bad

So I head to the bathroom and pee while checking my phone, like what any 21st century city living kid/teen/adult would do. Time 12:58. Preview bar: Spanky wechatted, a dozen whatsapp messages from vocal lessons groups, unread emails...

However one email caught my attention, EW0 dude.  Oh yes oh no, he EMAILED. So I opened my email immediately, in the email he said that he wanted to arrange a meeting at around 3:45pm, and hopes I'm around campus at the time.

Okay, so I know its a very last minute meeting, but I'm just meeting the trash collection manager, and hes going to take me on a tour, so all I have to do is to warm myself up with our project idea, practice my usual product description, but in Cantonese this time. Then we can collect the data, and modify, boom, done. Last time, I waited for over 20 mins. So ill expect the meeting to be around 4.

At home, I was a bit rehearsaling, my momma was outside and I just feel uncomfortable if she can hear the slightest bit if noise from me. As I rehearse, I remind myself that although I don't have alot of good vocabs. At least I need to eliminate the slang/uneducated works like "gum, D, la a" As well as the chant " I need to grow up,  I need to grow up,  I need to grow up,  I need to grow up,  I need to grow up...."

3:40pm off I go..

I wore a dress similar to this today. 

Pool at a 5 star hotel

I finally was to stay in Harbour Grand hotel again. My previous time was in 2010, when a friend of mine came over. I heard the pool was great  but wasn't able to head up there. This time I was prepared.

So at 11:30am, I hit the 20/21 button on the elevator. I get my towel, open the door to the pool deck and GLING!  the sun hits my face, i can't see, the sun penetrates my skin, like a rapist saying hello old friend. Ai, I hate being under the sun. What's worse than noon time sun is the fact that we are on the rooftop, hello, we are at least 21 stories higher than the usual sun exposure.

When I can finally open my eyes again. What I saw was a small lumpy cloud shaped pool at the size of around 25 x 40. Small pool. Not alot of my people were in the pool. a vast majority of the guests were on the sun-chairs..hmm...I don't even tan and I'm so much darker than them...plus, i thought this was a 5 star hotel, where is the Olympic sized pool, why doesn't a 5 star hotel provide the option of an indoor swimming pool? Should I just pack up and go to the gym? Oh nvm, it's probably going to be disappointing too, ill just head to California fitness later. 


 The laps were errr...short. I reached the other end in no time, and back. However, The view underwater was beautiful though. Okay, Spanky called and affected my flow of thoughts. The end.



My phone was out of battery, so I wasn't able to take pictures, so I took these from the internet. I read an article that discouraged the sharing of photos on the internet. In the article it said that What you have seen is one memory and induces a type of feeling, what you have captured creates another feeling, and what you share on the internet induces another. So the sensation that a person experiences is different or diluted and almost highlighted to those specific recalled images when put to display. Click Here for original article.


I got out after 3 minutes, the sun was too much for me.

Smart Recycling

For the past few days, I've realized how I was just constantly so forward looking that it stressed me to the point where the white parts of my eyes turned red.

Then I took a moment to look at the beautiful sunset on my way to 7-11 to get my usually black pepper chicken leg...On my way back to the computer rooms to continue my global marketing project, I saw a photography loving friend sitting on the steps to the building I was heading, facing the sunset. So I decided to say 'HI'. A Hi ended up being a long 45 minute talk about our summers, our attitudes towards getting grades, the subjects we want to take together...it ended when I really had to rush back to start my presentation, but we couldn't help but to gaze at the beautiful color blue mixing gradually with gold.

Anyways, I fell sick today, after I woke up from a nap, it was pretty much time to head to this talk and sharing session about how some young people started a business that helped improve the waste management system. I was really hesitation at first and since I decided to go for a quick jog and shower before I headed off, I felt hungry too.

Not so to my surprise, there were refreshments and cookies. Good ol' IFE always providing refreshments and snacks for attendees. (I helped myself to 2 chocolate cinnamon cookies, soooooo yummy, luckily, my palate can distinguish and dissect the cookie up to its raw ingredients and I secretly made a mental note to remember the recipe.)

To my very surprise, the guest speakers were very entertaining. The moderator came all the way from Shanghai to give speeches about promoting the pollution problems in Asia, and then passed the time to Hanley Li Although he stuttered a bit at first, his story was very entertaining to listen to, about his past as a naughty student, who then took a sudden trip to Egypt and started working in the advertising stream. From then he noticed a problem of the plastic bad problem, whereas in Egypt, they would give a customer a plastic bad per item they bought. How wasteful! Linking this problem to Hong Kong, large grocery stores, convenient stores and most retail stores all charge a $0.5 fee for a plastic bag. However wet markets do not have this charge. This may be because wet markets sell wet food literally fish, meat, vegetables, it would be terrible inconvenient to buy a fish with a ...reusable grocery bag. Just the thought of the blood contamination on the bag is gross.

Hong Kong alone has around 6 million wasted plastic bags, most of them come from wet markets. Hanley did some research and found that the plastic bags that the wet market sellers were buying was 0.05RMB for a bag, while the biodegradable ones were 0.2RMB. Integrating the his advertising background with the thought of biodegradable bags, he decided to seek out advertisers who were willing to have their ad printed on the bags, as he believes that the advertisements could directly target the buying population, housewives, domestic helpers, elderly...Meanwhile, he also sought out wet market sellers and asked them if they were willing to use biodegradable bags with advertisements printed on them, lo an behold formed his company CarryAD.

Someone that I used to know

On my way to the gym tonight, I passed by the usual vending machine where all the street dancers gathered to freestyle during the night time. Our campus had a joint university dance performance, although I missed it, it did motivate me to practiced a few of my rusted moves on some Tyga music...

Infact, it even reminded me of a hip hop dancer who I used to date 2 years ago. I know he lives in my neighborhood, and that he practices near those vending machines (it was actually where we met). I've even seen him, once...or twice on the footbridge...Once I even saw him holding hands with, I assume was his girlfriend (who looked exactly like the girl who he celebrated his birthday with on his instagram) (Not that I, have his instagram) I was already dating and in love with Spanky at that time, but somehow, that image of them holding hands still flashes itself in my brain...This is why I only look at empty spaces when I walk on my footbridge now. I choose to not see anything (that upsets me)

Anyways, I thought I would keep my eyes out for familiar faces (some of my old colleagues freestyle there too)...and Lord and behold, the guy who broke my heart 2 years ago was there.

Actually, I was too exhausted from my day to care about some guy who I once dated briefly a very long time ago. At most, if he sees me, I'll say a hi.

However, it was his reaction that...really made me want to blog in the first place...

 Although he took his glasses off when he was dancing to (his weird electronic + hammering + drilling + construction NOISE) music, he recolonized me and grooved towards where I was heading (I was heading straight and he was heading sideways) his eyes never off from me, squinting to get a closer look to see if who he saw was someone who he think he just saw. uh-oh, I'm too hungry to think, why didn't I eat more?? I mirrored him and squinted back. This all happened in a duration of seconds, but we did keep migrating to a point (or to each other as observers would call it) , eyes on each other until we were so close that we could whisper and still hear each other.

This was when I shifted my glance and sped up my walking. Admitting that I was calm would be a lie (although it was mainly because of the shock of seeing someone that I used to know), because 5 minutes later, I lost my gym card ==" Damnit, that's 50 bucks down the drain.

In retrospect, I used to think that dating guys in quantity would be cool and that I would have a good "resume" of guys, but I guess I never thought about the consequences of seeing them afterwards...
Somehow I thought it would always be a "haha, look at me now, I am blah blah blah successful", but instead I felt uncomfortable, will he talk to me after I leave the gym? What should I say when he asks about my singing dream? Should I tell him that I am dating now? But that will be boasting? WIll he still think that I haven't got over him?

As uncomfortable as I felt about a person who I once cared so much about; it also made me realized how uncomfortable it must be for Spanky,to pester him about information on the people whom he once loved so much, but the relationship just didn't make it due to various reasons.

I learned (today). I'm sorry Spanky, I'll try to be less insecure of myself, and ask you less about your ex,(es), because although past feelings could never be erased, the past is the past and  we'll get over it. It's the present that really matters :)

Lawrence & Spanky hip hop remix

Here and now

Yesterday, I was given an opportunity to role play a therapist - client session for my counseling class. Afterwards, my assessor gave us a collective comment.

Something that really stood out for me was when she said, a lot of depressed people often look too much into the past; while people with anxiety look too much into the future. Then she stressed on the here and now state of being.

This reminded me a lot of the raisin experiment during the last counseling lecture . I experienced the here and now effect, it felt really relaxing, almost sleepy.

Anyways, I think the sky is beautiful today. I took a moment to stop and look at the beautiful sky above my campus grounds.

Dependence

I want to be independent. I want to be able to completely take care of myself regardless of my environment. 

I want to be financially independent, enough to the point where my income can satisfy my expenditure.

I want to be intellectually independent and I want to increase my opportunities to absorb the wisdom that will propel me to be the independent person.

I think with those mentioned above. I might be able to be one step closer to achieving self actualization.

- - -
Tbc

Graduation

Seeing people in graduation gowns (penguins outfits) never meant anything for me. College seemed nothing more than a place to bypass time, so that I could figure things out before I entered into the labor world.

This is exactly why 2 years, dressing up in a gown for my graduation ceremony in HKU space seemed like a waste of my time. I had a singing competition later in the evening. I don't want to waste my morning getting my pictures taken in a community college.

Currently,  I am in my final year in uni. I've been invited for a few photo taking sessions with my senior friends.   Talking to them gave me a realization that this would be me soon. That I will be graduating and leaving  the education world to a cruel cruel official cubicle working 9 to 6, alternative Saturdays and occasional overtimes, with no financial allowances from my parents and still residing with my parents.

So I've made a choice.  My path is mine.  I do weigh my consequences when I make decisions, but for the first time, I want to live independent of my parents and work in a place that makes both me and my parents proud.

I want to start a business of my own. I have a clear vision of what it is a lot I can see so many twists and turns and obstacles in my path. But oddly, I actually feel excited. I'm starting to see the world differently now. Like the role of my relationship with the world has changed from user to creator.  And I anticipate every day to come.

 It's both good and bad. The bad is that I am constantly tired. Maybe I'm not used to thinking so much... I also can't fall asleep at night. And I wake up super early in the mornings :(

I don't know how graduation story got to this. I should probably change the subject name.

Good News

Continuing off of last night's entry..My mom is feeling a lot better. it could be because of these 3 reasons:

1. My dad returned from Shanghai

2. I started sharing my visions into the future

3. I told her to look forward to grandkids...

While, I was having my normal chicken leg of the meal. My mom came up to my all excited, tell me about how she used to be the person in charge of the product's development life cycle. How it went from product testing, to ingredient testing, to patents.....

Funny, just last night I was thinking about how I could consult my mom on chemistry on my vision into the future last night, she thought of the same thing...

Then she went on into parenting, and how and what I should feed my kids so that they'll grow tall and big...well, it's a little bit too soon for that...but I'm glad to see sparkle in my mom's eyes.. :)

Out of Reach

I dont like waking up in the middle of the night due to hunger, to find the roach problem in the kitchen to magnify. Sometimes an unsolved problem turns malicious. Ive turned a blind eye to this problem in May thinking it'll get better in the winter. I was wrong. Its survival of the fittest here. Its totally creepy. Here I am in a corner staring at a flying cockroach with long whiskers. Its way up in the ceiling, it flies and it feels like I've killed a lot for tonight. But somehow this roach in plain sight disturbs me. Im scared. What if crawls to my room?

My momma used to always kill roaches in midnight. Now she  decided to sleep in. My dad was in Shanghai for a few days so no one was always scrubbing the place. One weeek ago, I thought the problem with roach problem was alright....

Spanky suggested hiring a terminator back then in june, but then my parents worry about the food contaminating and the hasstle of moving things out of the kitchen. 

A further elaboration of my worries would be, what would my parents do when I move out? I told my mom I was at that age where I had to move out. Although she understood, I still worry about her health, her further degree of loneliness, how empty the house would be...I often would tell Spanky how I feel about all of this, I wonder what he really thinks inside?

The Bigger Person

I remember last time I had a really silly argument with a classmate, when, yes HE STARTED IT FIRST. I went home and reflected on the situation and called my bestfriend, who surprising gave me some good advice:

• Be a lady with class
• Be the Bigger Person and let these small things past. 

I guess I just have to remind myself over and over again to be the bigger person :)

New Beauty Blog

Hello beautiful viewers,

Due to the high response in my "No Shampoo Hair wash”  blog, I've decided to go more into detail in my DIY beauty treatments in my new blog www.SpankyPandaBeauty.blogspot.com

Please check it out!

SpankyPanda :)

No Shampoo hair wash

I've always had this huge bottle of apple cider vinegar in my kitchen for the longest time ever. I was totally impressed by its health benefits and weight loss mechanisms. So I purchased a bottle. However, I had a terrible reflex system and even a very very diluted ACV seemed like a super acid drink.

Some time this year, I've overcame my laziness to try DIY beauty treatments.  I was always advict of skin care products, 5 years ago, I tried so many Japanese / European /American expensive line of skin care products, that my parents decided to stop funding my skin care routine. There were both ups and down to this situation, the ups were that I did not have to take a deep breath and bet my face 's safety on an expensive chemical to make or break my face.

Then at some point of time, I looked into haircare. This was back in the time where I would dye my hair every 2 months for 2 consecutive years and I've been through almost every shade of red and brown. I've also got nasty hair extensions for 2 years, that I would take out and get new ones put in. The dying and the hair extension tension was just so much for my hair that when I finally decided to do nothing with my hair, a massive amount started to fall out (shed). I was so scared of the hair loss that I've resided to hair loss masks and shampoos just to find a reverse effect. So I tried to target the root of this and looked into the ingredients of my shampoo. Then I looked into the ingredients of a rather famous horse hair shampoo and read their reviews on the Internet. Apparently even the horse shampoo had Sodium Lauryl Sulfate ( a chemicals used in car wash), even  worse than SLS was Aluminium Lauryl Sulfate (which could be found in commercial brands like Patentene, Dover..) and only organic brands did not contain these harmful ingredients.

However, there are two reasons why I do not like using organic shampoos
1. High cost
2. Weird smell

Being the frugal soon to be college grad, I had to figure out a way to be cost efficient, while making the most out of the products that I had at home or cheap food goods.

In the past 2 weeks, I've experimented with
1. Honey Olive oil + sugar mask (face mask)
2. Coconut oil (hair mask)
3. Apple Cider Vinegar (hair mask) 

So far I'm liking the results :)

Happiness is....

...sleeping in late

....eating fishballs

....drinking coffee

...skipping class

Now does that make me a socially lazy person? 

I like to sleep in because i get insomnia from hyperbrian activity ( I'm serious) and cant fall asleep..

I like to eat fishballs because its the most non fattening fingerfood i can get on the go..

I like to drink coffee because its the only luxury item that i can afford..

I like to skip class because it has a depressing atmosphere and it makes me depressed...

Coffee and fishballs can usually counteract getting up in the morning and going to class, it makes me more receptive to the information taught, it makes me a friendlier person to people around me and puts a smile on my face whenever I Skype Spanky, but...but at the end of the month, i look at my monthly expenditure and get all upset...

Hot Guys

Just then, I conducted a Counselling session with my bestfriend, Weirdo.

After our session, I allowed our conversation to drift to to other lighter topics. And we talk about our past time favorite topic: HOT GUYS

She was telling me about this TV show that she has watched called "Arrow" and how the lead cast, esp Oliver Queen, and then his sister's boyfriend, Colton Haynes was even be looks,  a perfect Abercrombie model face.

I thought they were alright... They definitely had a face and physique to make any girl Drool (get wet), but I thought Colton (Weirdo's favorite) looked like a narcissistic jerk. And I told Weirdo that Spanky was the best and I wouldn't trade Spanky for either one of them (or them both)

That's weird.... Have I changed? OR am I just tired? I really 100% was not interested in those men. I only wanted to sleep, then workout and finish my projects... Hm...

Then Weirdo told me she was just about to Facebook search Spanky.. Hands off my man!

Or maybe it's because I don't like blonde men. I still would check out C. Ronaldo.
....

Spanky Spanky

I have taken my approaches and written some version of the story I am about to tell，but everything would just be a recap of the phone conversation that I had with Spanky about what happened to my vocal lessons. So instead of retelling a story, the following is an add-on to what I wanted to tell Spanky:

My dad is a workaholic, ever since I was a child, I remember he was always at the office, and barely spent time with me and my mom. On the occasions that he will, he would always talk about how he would always have time for me if i wanted to chat. Whenever he would teach me Chinese, he would always complain that if I weren't his daughter he wouldn't be spending this much time explaining and helping me understand Chinese 100 times the effort into teaching me compared to his students. However, it always felt not enough, it felt like my momma was much more patient that my dad and she spent much more time with me...

Growing up, I always had a concept of "not enough" and "why is daddy working after office hours? "He would always take up these weird projects, and there were so many, and they just kept coming, sometimes it would be designing a dozen of complex buildings, a school yard, writing 100000 word articles, book launches, guest speaking...In retrospect, I didn't appreciate the fact that it was my dad who puts food on the table (literally too), who could afford our annual vacations, live in the place I call home, pay for my years and years of my tuition fees..

Now, I have a boyfriend, who is working all the time, the childhood issues of "not getting enough" would resurface. There are so many projects that Spanky has taken up too. On one hand, I am proud of his achievement at this age, on the other hand, I'm annoyed that he is so devoted in work and feeling that I am fighting for scraps of his attention. So then I would complain to my friends, all the stuff that I can't stand about Spanky:

He would call once a week and text once in 2 days...

He only calls upon my requests....

He would never call on constitutive nights...

He promises he would call, but then forgets....

He promised he would visit once every 2 weeks, yet he only visits once per month....

When we are physically together its great, when he is back in China, it's two separate lives again...

It's always work work work, is he just making this up to avoid me?

So then I would get a lot of responses...And for the longest time ever, not a lot of people have heard the happy moments that I've shared with Spanky. For as much as they know, I've become more quiet about my relationship nowadays.

It was until yesterday, this girl in my singing class was in a conversation with our vocal coach about her previous relationship problems, and feels like it was her ex that treated her the best compared to other guys that she's dated afterwards. The reason why they broke up as because she wanted more out of the relationship, more of his time, more of a "loving feeling"... My vocal coach thought her case was pretty similar to mine and told me to hear it out.

[Because I woke up at 7 am, I would really like to head back to bed before my class at noon, so I'm going to cut this short and give a wrap up]

Spanky loves me. 

Spanky loves work. 

Spanky is willing to call me more upon my request.

Spanky tries his best to balance me and work out. 

Spanky is very dedicated to work.

When we are together, he is willing to reduce his workload, and do it later.

Spanky prefers the simple life. 

Spanky likes to help people. 

Spanky doesn't spend a lot on himself, but is willing to spend a lot on me.

Spanky gets excited upon seeing me. 

Spanky has a big heart and is tolerant on all the stuff I have done to annoy him. 

Spanky is not that bad bad. 

but he should drink more water :)

In addition: My vocal coach said that a relationship with too much loving feeling is not good, either the guy is creating a false sense of romance or that the honeymoon period will fade after 6 months, leaving an emptier feeling. When a relationship gives out less frission/stimulation in the beginning, then it may be more likely to last, because the drop wouldn't be as significant.
What are your views?

To do list

To do list:

1. Tell Spanky about Samsung Galaxy Gear

2. a. Get tickets to Shanghai (dec 19)
    b. Tell Spanky to get tickets for Shanghai (dec 19)

3. a. Tell Spanky to go to SZ on week of Nov 18
    b. Meet the parents on that week
    c. Set up china bank account in SZ

4. Tell Spanky to get tickets to HK on week of Nov 25th

5. Discuss about Russian Japanese Restaurant (Fri & Sat)

6. Don't forget work on sat (p3) and Sun (bernice)

7. Get Info about setting up a sole proprietor limited company in hk

8. Get Info on Microfund from Robert